Тед Эллиот (Ted Elliott)SHREK
Written by
Ted Elliott Terry Rossio Joe Stillman
Roger S.H. Schulman
Based on the book by William SteigSHREK
Once upon a time there was a lovely princess. But she had an enchantment upon her of a fearful sort which could only be broken by love's first kiss. She was locked away in a castle guarded by a terrible fire-breathing dragon.
Many brave knights had attempted to free her from this dreadful prison, but non prevailed. She waited in the dragon's keep in the highest room of the tallest tower for her true love and true love's first kiss. (laughs) Like that's ever gonna happen. What a load of -
(toilet flush)
Allstar - by Smashmouth begins to play. Shrek goes about his day. While in a nearby town, the villagers get together to go after the ogre.
NIGHT - NEAR SHREK'S HOME
MAN1
Think it's in there?
MAN2
All right. Let's get it!
MAN1
Whoa. Hold on. Do you know what that thing can do to you?
MAN3
Yeah, it'll grind your bones for it's bread.
Shrek sneaks up behind them and laughs.
SHREK
Yes, well, actually, that would be a giant. Now, ogres, oh they're much worse. They'll make a suit from your freshly peeled skin.
MEN
No!
SHREK
They'll shave your liver. Squeeze the jelly from your eyes! Actually, it's quite good on toast.MAN1
Back! Back, beast! Back! I warn ya!
(waves the torch at
Shrek.)
Shrek calmly licks his fingers and extinguishes the torch. The men shrink back away from him. Shrek roars very loudly and long and his breath extinguishes all the remaining torches until the men are in the dark.
SHREK
This is the part where you run away.
(The men scramble to get away. He laughs.)
And stay out! (looks down and picks up a piece of paper. Reads.)
"Wanted. Fairy tale creatures."(He sighs and throws the paper over his shoulder.)
THE NEXT DAY
There is a line of fairy tale creatures. The head of the guard sits at a table paying people for bringing the fairy tale creatures to him. There are cages all around. Some of the people in line are Peter Pan, who is carrying Tinkerbell in a cage, Gipetto who's carrying Pinocchio, and a farmer who is carrying the three little pigs.
GUARD
All right. This one's full. Take it away! Move it along. Come on! Get up!