Cali MelleLEO
Germany is beautiful. It's the middle of spring and flowers are beginning to bloom along the streets. I walk down the cobblestone road, my head looking up and down the street as I make my way back to the hotel. I love visiting here, even if I hate the process of getting here. It's where I'd like to live eventually. I've spent a lot of time traveling with this career and for some reason Germany has always been enticing to me. There's just something warm and comforting about it that makes me never want to leave.
I imagine when I retire one day, this is where I will be. I'll buy a little house on the hillside, not far from town, but far enough that I can have my own peace and quiet.
It's just a different vibe. I do like Idyll Cove. It's all I've really known in terms of my permanent residence, although I'm a little tired of the sleepy little town. I want more. I want to wake up every morning and feel like my life has more purpose. This life of traveling and competing can be tiresome and lonely. It's easy to feel like you're not really living when you're caught in the continuous cycle of hustling and busting your ass off.
I will never ever admit it out loud… but sometimes, I just want a break from it all.
But I do like winning more, so as long as I keep doing that, I'll keep living this insane life.
The hotel is less than a mile away from where I wandered off tonight. I ended up in a little German restaurant where I sat at a table by myself and had dinner. It wasn't any different than how I normally lived my life, but it circles back to being lonely. It's not easy to find a partner in life with the demanding schedule I have. I tried dating before and it didn't work out. There was one woman, Amanda, who lasted a little longer than the others. We dated exclusively for about two years before she decided she wanted more from me. She was waiting for me to propose and I am not a fan of committing to another person.
My life revolves around one huge commitment and I don't think I could commit to anything more than that.
I thought she would have been happy that we lived together, and things seemed to be good. We spent time together when we could and she had her own job that kept her busy. I was mistaken. She wasn't happy and she wasn't content. Amanda complained occasionally about me being gone. She didn't like to be alone for long, so most times she ended up staying at her sister's apartment. We had a pretty big fight when it finally came out that she wanted more and I wasn't ready to give that to her. I had to leave for another competition and when I got back home, she was gone. All of her things were out of my place and she changed her number so I couldn't even get in contact with her.